Its only been four days, gosh do we really have another 36 days to go?
I read eveyone's post about my church dilemna, and please understand I do know that God will never abandon me, heck I would be in a psycho ward if He was not walking beside me. Of course he is probably getting tired of my rants and outbursts but it is what it is.
Thank you for always supporting me and giving me fuel for thought. Thats why I like the posting whether it here or on the flawless site. We can rant and rave all we want and the only ones that read it is us.
I have been and will be busy for oh probably until my foot is in the grave, busyiness always finds me. I am starting to remove all the contents of Eric's house, I am going to do two hours stints. Two hours at Beckys doing whatever she needs, as she is also moving, and then two hours at Erics. I am planning on putting Eric's house on the market within the next two weeks and want it clean and friendly. Becky is suppose to move into her home within the next two weeks as well.
I have started taking Vitamin D, I started taking it about 3 weeks ago, I stopped taking my depression meds, and I have to say, I have more energy and less depression. I still have the edgyness and will now order some over the counter HRT cream to see if that helps.
My house is slowing feeling like its getting small. I was trying to say the word you feel when everything is closing in on you but I can't for the life of me figure out how to spell it. My older sister moved in and Samantha moved back in, Samantha is not very neat, heck she isn't neat at all. ON the flip side my sister is OCD and if you put a plate down, it goes into the dishwasher. The two are sharing a bathroom so I can only imagine the fun they are both having. OF course with the moving in alot of belongings came along, Why couldn't they just bring a bag of underwear and a change of clothes.
On the brighter side, my sister seems more content, (don't get to content this is only a short stay)
Well I have to go read my bible and do my morning devotions.
Thanks for reading and sharing life with me
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
What would you do?
I am really torn, hurt and confused, For over 5 years I was an active member of my church. I was and I think still am a lay speaker, I have preached, had bible studies, sent out Christmas cards to each and every one of both churches for the past three years (over 250) sent out numerous encouragement cards, birthday cards, sympathy cards weekly to whomever was on the prayer lists, and well honestly thought I had a decent relationship with most of my church members
Since my son's death, I feel abandon, empty, left in the dark. Like I am a leper with some fungus. Since the day of my son's funeral I have not heard from one person from my churches. I have not heard from the new pastor, (she took over a week later) with the exception of two phone calls. I have not heard from one of the lay speakers (we have 8 of them) Only two people have reached out the church secretary and her mom and even that has been limited, otherwise not a soul has reached out a hand, a phone call, a card. The day of my sons funeral I had a very bad melt down when they were taking the coffin out of the church. One of the congregants came to me during the lunch and said "do you feel better now?" I took that comment hard it was like she felt I overreacted. YOU think?
It has been almost five months. My sister who is a member also says on rare occasion someone will ask how I am doing, one of the lay speakers actually said I would call but I don't know what to say. How about "Gosh Jeannette the church is thinking about you, or How about would you like to go have coffee?" I promise I will write a written statement saying I will not speak of my son if it offends you.
the days up to the funeral my church actually quarreled with Becky's church who offered to do the entire lunch, including set up and bring all the food, MY church took offense to this as they felt they were being intruded upon. Not wow, what a wonderful church to offer such wonderful support but hey this is our church and we don't like intruders.
So yes you guessed it, my church is obviously in need of serious change. I am not sure if the new pastor has been able to incorporate this, I do pray for her as she had many challenges against her. The pastor that was available up until my son's death had to leave because she was having family issues and the powers to be in the church decided it was interfering with her pastoral duties. (which was not true)
So I guess my conflict is what the heck am I suppose to do, find a new church, go back and face the people that let me down? Am I over reacting, should I be the one to turn the other cheek? I love preaching, If I find another church what if I am not allowed, what if they have different policies. Where on earth do I find another church? I know I need to get back into fellowship but how do I do that when I feel as though I am a shadow, part of the wall?
Since my son's death, I feel abandon, empty, left in the dark. Like I am a leper with some fungus. Since the day of my son's funeral I have not heard from one person from my churches. I have not heard from the new pastor, (she took over a week later) with the exception of two phone calls. I have not heard from one of the lay speakers (we have 8 of them) Only two people have reached out the church secretary and her mom and even that has been limited, otherwise not a soul has reached out a hand, a phone call, a card. The day of my sons funeral I had a very bad melt down when they were taking the coffin out of the church. One of the congregants came to me during the lunch and said "do you feel better now?" I took that comment hard it was like she felt I overreacted. YOU think?
It has been almost five months. My sister who is a member also says on rare occasion someone will ask how I am doing, one of the lay speakers actually said I would call but I don't know what to say. How about "Gosh Jeannette the church is thinking about you, or How about would you like to go have coffee?" I promise I will write a written statement saying I will not speak of my son if it offends you.
the days up to the funeral my church actually quarreled with Becky's church who offered to do the entire lunch, including set up and bring all the food, MY church took offense to this as they felt they were being intruded upon. Not wow, what a wonderful church to offer such wonderful support but hey this is our church and we don't like intruders.
So yes you guessed it, my church is obviously in need of serious change. I am not sure if the new pastor has been able to incorporate this, I do pray for her as she had many challenges against her. The pastor that was available up until my son's death had to leave because she was having family issues and the powers to be in the church decided it was interfering with her pastoral duties. (which was not true)
So I guess my conflict is what the heck am I suppose to do, find a new church, go back and face the people that let me down? Am I over reacting, should I be the one to turn the other cheek? I love preaching, If I find another church what if I am not allowed, what if they have different policies. Where on earth do I find another church? I know I need to get back into fellowship but how do I do that when I feel as though I am a shadow, part of the wall?
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