"are you feeling better?"
"How are you today?"
"Baby steps, you need to take baby steps"
"One day at a time"
"He is in a better place"
"It would have happened anyways"
"Good thing you still have your other children"
and my most favorite:
"AS soon as you get over this!"
4 comments:
I usually try to just say "I'm sorry"---and then I stay a few minutes and leave.
My younger son gave me a great tip, he said when they ask what can I do, do you need anything or how are feeling, just answer:
" I feel better knowing you are keeping my family and I in your prayers"
Today I took care of a 16 year old that had a fetal abruption--meaning the docs did an emergency c-section but delivered a dead baby at 24 weeks pregnant. It was hard on me too--I climbed in bed with her and I held her and let her cry, I kept saying "I'm sorry"....she told me I was the only nurse that had actually physically touched her. She doesn't know it but she emotionally touched me with that statement.
Sometimes life is hard and we need friends to help us though.
I'm thinking of you...
Deborah
Guess that I was lucky. Most people just hugged me and either said nothing, or said "I am so sorry" I did not get a lot of platitudes. I saw some people that I had not seen in years and just having them there was a comfort. But yes, people can say some pretty stupid things. And, although you will heal in time, I doubt that you will ever get over it. "It" is a part of your soul. I know that I won't "get over it". I will go on. I will function, and hopefully I will be able to help other people, but "it" enters my mind every day, and every day I grieve and miss him. It changes, it becomes more bearable, but it is still with me and will no doubt be with us for the rest of our lives. What is the best thing to say? I have no idea. I think that the real test is the person who shows up with dinner a month later. The people who keep calling off and on. The people who let you vent and don't crawl into a corner when what you need to vent feels dirty or ugly. The people who will be really honest with you and hold your hand at the same time.
Sending you love and wishing you comfort and peace and love
Donna
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