Its still raining in NJ

Its only been four days, gosh do we really have another 36 days to go?

I read eveyone's post about my church dilemna, and please understand I do know that God will never abandon me, heck I would be in a psycho ward if He was not walking beside me. Of course he is probably getting tired of my rants and outbursts but it is what it is.
Thank you for always supporting me and giving me fuel for thought. Thats why I like the posting whether it here or on the flawless site. We can rant and rave all we want and the only ones that read it is us.

I have been and will be busy for oh probably until my foot is in the grave, busyiness always finds me. I am starting to remove all the contents of Eric's house, I am going to do two hours stints. Two hours at Beckys doing whatever she needs, as she is also moving, and then two hours at Erics. I am planning on putting Eric's house on the market within the next two weeks and want it clean and friendly. Becky is suppose to move into her home within the next two weeks as well.

I have started taking Vitamin D, I started taking it about 3 weeks ago, I stopped taking my depression meds, and I have to say, I have more energy and less depression. I still have the edgyness and will now order some over the counter HRT cream to see if that helps.

My house is slowing feeling like its getting small. I was trying to say the word you feel when everything is closing in on you but I can't for the life of me figure out how to spell it. My older sister moved in and Samantha moved back in, Samantha is not very neat, heck she isn't neat at all. ON the flip side my sister is OCD and if you put a plate down, it goes into the dishwasher. The two are sharing a bathroom so I can only imagine the fun they are both having. OF course with the moving in alot of belongings came along, Why couldn't they just bring a bag of underwear and a change of clothes.

On the brighter side, my sister seems more content, (don't get to content this is only a short stay)

Well I have to go read my bible and do my morning devotions.

Thanks for reading and sharing life with me

Thank You Lord for walking with me

What would you do?

I am really torn, hurt and confused, For over 5 years I was an active member of my church. I was and I think still am a lay speaker, I have preached, had bible studies, sent out Christmas cards to each and every one of both churches for the past three years (over 250) sent out numerous encouragement cards, birthday cards, sympathy cards weekly to whomever was on the prayer lists, and well honestly thought I had a decent relationship with most of my church members
Since my son's death, I feel abandon, empty, left in the dark. Like I am a leper with some fungus. Since the day of my son's funeral I have not heard from one person from my churches. I have not heard from the new pastor, (she took over a week later) with the exception of two phone calls. I have not heard from one of the lay speakers (we have 8 of them) Only two people have reached out the church secretary and her mom and even that has been limited, otherwise not a soul has reached out a hand, a phone call, a card. The day of my sons funeral I had a very bad melt down when they were taking the coffin out of the church. One of the congregants came to me during the lunch and said "do you feel better now?" I took that comment hard it was like she felt I overreacted. YOU think?
It has been almost five months. My sister who is a member also says on rare occasion someone will ask how I am doing, one of the lay speakers actually said I would call but I don't know what to say. How about "Gosh Jeannette the church is thinking about you, or How about would you like to go have coffee?" I promise I will write a written statement saying I will not speak of my son if it offends you.
the days up to the funeral my church actually quarreled with Becky's church who offered to do the entire lunch, including set up and bring all the food, MY church took offense to this as they felt they were being intruded upon. Not wow, what a wonderful church to offer such wonderful support but hey this is our church and we don't like intruders.
So yes you guessed it, my church is obviously in need of serious change. I am not sure if the new pastor has been able to incorporate this, I do pray for her as she had many challenges against her. The pastor that was available up until my son's death had to leave because she was having family issues and the powers to be in the church decided it was interfering with her pastoral duties. (which was not true)
So I guess my conflict is what the heck am I suppose to do, find a new church, go back and face the people that let me down? Am I over reacting, should I be the one to turn the other cheek? I love preaching, If I find another church what if I am not allowed, what if they have different policies. Where on earth do I find another church? I know I need to get back into fellowship but how do I do that when I feel as though I am a shadow, part of the wall?

When you get handed lemons

add vodka, stir and drink-oh yes that I like.

God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but at some point does he think He is funny, can you just picture him standing above, dropping load ofter load, watching you fall deeper and deeper into the mud. All the angels and saints drinking their coffee having their morning laugh... It must be like reality tv to them. I do hope they are getting great reception!

Now if anyone is wondering what the f--- I am talking about, my darling 20 year old has informed me yesterday while crying hysterically that she is having a baby. Oh yes, I am very excited to be having a new grandchild. But not excited about the circumstances. When oh when do our children learn from our bad choices. Well I am going to find me some lemons and maybe some vodka

This week and all the others...

...Seem to be flying by. What a weird year thus far. Seems so much is happening and at such a fast pace. Time to just sit and think is getting harder and harder.

Rainy weekend in NJ

Great weekend to do things around house, get paper under control, bake or organize closets.
Also a great weekend to watch movies and snuggle under warm blankets eat junk food and then suffer the consequences from eating the junk food> LOL
I did watch The proposal on Friday, it was good. I liked that it had no vulgar language, no blood, no sex, (a brief nude shot but nothing major) Today we are suppose to watch a movie that Scott picked out, I forget the name but I am sure it has to do with war, blood and violence. Not my cup of tea. I like funny, comedy romance. I guess thats normal girls like girlee movies, guys like the tough, western macho stuff.
I did a Nielsen survey the other day, after answering about 40 questions, it gave a list of hobbies. Asking what hobbies or personal interests you had. I realized I did not have any hobbies, so I was wondering, Do you have a hobby or interest that you like to do? I realized I don't do much outside of working, taking care of family, and taking care of family. Oh did I say that twice. Maybe that is my hobby, lol.
Have a pleasant day

What is a believer to do in times of darkness--a darkness of perplexities and confusion-- a darkness not of the heart but of the mind? These times of darkness come to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God. Darkness can come in seasons when he does not know what to do or which way to turn. His sky becomes overcast with clouds, and the clear light of heaven does not shine on his path, so that he feels as if he were groping his way through complete darkness.
Dear believer, does this describe you? What should you do in times of darkness? Listen to God's word: Actually, the first thing to do is nothing. This is a difficult thing for our lowly human nature to do. There is a saying, "When you're ratted, don't rush." In other words, "When your confused and do not know what to do, do nothing." "When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not run ahead, but slow the pace of your life. And if necessary, keep your life's ship anchored or tied to the dock.
The right thing is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God's providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf.
Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into the bright sunshine of His Love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so may we climb into His arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road.
"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." Isaiah 50:10