It's really weird some days I have to remind myself that Eric is gone. I guess that is the brain protecting me. Yet there isn't an hour that I don't think of him. I called his cell phone yesterday just to hear his voice. I wish he left more than just saying his name as his message. Sleep doesn't come easy actually I find myself falling asleep and then waking up moments later. I don't think I have gotten a good night sleep since June. My mind loves to play all sorts of songs, thoughts and scenarios just to keep me awake. I sleep with the remote as I have to turn the tv on just to focus on one thing.I do see that as an addition to dealing with pain and grief I am also going into full blown meno pause. Like are you freaking kidding me. Life couldn't give me a time out on the meno for a year or two. So my moods and emotions are everywhere at times and I don't know if its from grief, hormones or a combo. And lets not forget the wonderful sauna feeling in between.
But let me say God is good, he has a plan, and a purpose for me.. (can you hear the sarcasim?)
Today I have Joshua and Jason, it is raining so I will think of an indoor activity somewhere someplace that will give them a chance to release energy and have fun. They will at least keep me distracted and give me other thoughts to tangle with instead of Eric. (sorry Eric you can't always be on the front burner)
Enjoy your weekend
4 comments:
Cruel and unusual punishment to have meno rear it's ugly head. Me too. Like I need that now.
Is there a numb button that we can push when things get unbearable? I sometimes wish there was, wait, oh, yeah, that's called going to bed and pulling the covers over your head. Not advisable, because when you do get up the entire house is a mess, you look a mess (or at least I do) and nothing has changed.
Sometimes it would be nice if we could just put ourselves on pause and let the junk pass by and hope our emotions and hearts have healed so we can make some type of resonable explaination out of it..but there isn't one, so I don't have answers..just ears to listen.
I hope today brings you something really good and uplifting. I am so glad you have your wonderful handsome little grandsons..they bring so much joy. I miss mine alot. (insert poor me here).
Praying for you today..Love, Tina
I love you. Thanks for watching the boys for me. It is nice for me to get a break.
It must be so much fun to have children around again. ENJOY!!!!
One thing that has been a major help for me during premenopause is a natural progeterone cream that you can purchase at most health food stores. You rub the smallest amount on wrists, or breasts, or thighs, (like a dime size) If you still have your period, you use it two weeks before your period, than stop for 12 days. If you are post menopause, like me, you use it most days of the month and not use it for just 7 days.
When I forget to use this cream on a regular basis, I begin getting hot flashes, and lots of anxiety at night time. Hope this is as helpful to you as it is to me.
Ditto on the progesterone cream.
It made a world of difference.
Dissipated the heat and helped a lot with insomnia.
Teresa
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